Monday, June 27, 2011

The Rules Of Getting Off And Getting on With It As You Stumble About The Gray Areas

I don't know if anyone has ever written about it,
or spoken, for the matter, out loud, if you will,
the thoughts behind eyes of a man,
or maybe some woman, somewhere,
who I have yet to meet,
someone who has realized
that nothing goes
on
on
off
off.

Sure, lots of things turn on,
light switches, ovens, printers
that spit this shit onto blank pages
when somebody thinks:

"Hey! That might be worth publishing!"...

but we can't turn it on again
without first turning it
off.

It's a law, of sorts,
and now, staring at these words,
thinking of what they may mean to the next person,
losing sight of why I do this at all anymore,
and repeating one thought in the cold background,
I continue to type.

"on
off
off
on and on and on"

until it nearly drives me mad,
and, as we all probably know,
these things can be turned off,
just like I was before these thoughts
turned me on, wore me down, and turned me
off
off
off.

Friday, June 24, 2011

When It's Unbearably Hot Out And You're Smiling Like An Idiot

Why are you trying to kill me?

I think to myself as I wish I could still
see my reflection in the computer screen
but it's alive now, colors flashing
and text documents opening
shining into my eyes like the old days

It's alive like I feel,
but I'm still in the hole

I'm still living at home, I'm still crazy
though all the doctors say otherwise and hand me compliments
because
I'm
not
average

A friend told me once
that 49% of all people are below average
according to mathematicians,
I smile now, like then, and it's a cynic's smile
a charismatic facial voyage as if
I'm still wishing to see my reflection

They make you shake and accept mediocrity,
they make you sleep too much
and smile more when you're not,
they turn your mouth
to dessert sands at daybreak
and don't let go of the dryness until long,
long after the sun has clocked out

I'm happy,
that's what matters to most people, but for me,
I feel I've lost myself, I'm contained...
as if they don't know what to do with me,
kept docile...
when I wouldn't hurt a fly to begin with,
and what bugs me most is
my mediocrity is more acceptable in this condensed state...

this caged beast,
this drugged and ready to trip the life unfantastic fool
with crowds of future and fellow travelers
waving goodbye to one another
and I'm off with a smile on my seemingly sinking ship